each day for the last 43 days
i have been #futureselfjournaling
honest and nonjudgemental
except that last part is not true
i do judge myself
honestly, so much judgement
i think i do.
i often am surprised at the things i do.
here i sit. no job per se
only my work.
i made art today. like most everyday.
i miss dancing all day
my body is going away.
like it’s leaving me
or preparing to
i can’t tell
the healing begins when i look
in tense crooked face
ease and love
all over the place.
as i consider the routes i can see currently, i wonder why it became so hard.
when, seems memorable and relative.
the why and the how.
and what was it, other than difficult?
is there a time?
i will tell you a story:
of a tiny thing caught between a window and a screen. i loved it. it was fast and green. it could change. it looked at me. i lifted the window to free the screen for the being so it could go where it had been. before it got locked in between. a window and a screen.
do i need breeze or more protection. out here near the sea. i wonder we. how can we let things be. no panic. no harm.
not to forget we are all human beings.
the tiny green thing panicked. jolted, hiding, eyes on me. i moved the top of the window and the screen. tilting the wind, and tried for a while to chase out this thing. then waited. moved away. it let loose. top hold off, tumbling. onto the sill. jumping to its feet it turned to face me. head tilting. a look exchanged. what a curious thing! off it ran. i locked the window and the screen.
that was today.
once upon a time today.
_ nicole garlando tueNovfith19720pm
photo: untitled in-progress piece for a Cultural Arts Center loft exhibit, September 2020.