write about journaling

each day for the last 43 days

i have been #futureselfjournaling

honest and nonjudgemental

except that last part is not true

i do judge myself

honestly, so much judgement

it’s true

i think i do.

i often am surprised at the things i do.

here i sit. no job per se

only my work.

i made art today. like most everyday.

i miss dancing all day

my body is going away.

like it’s leaving me

or preparing to

i can’t tell

or see.

the healing begins when i look

in tense crooked face

ease and love

all over the place.

as i consider the routes i can see currently, i wonder why it became so hard.

when, seems memorable and relative.

and how.

the why and the how.

and what was it, other than difficult?

is there a time?

a moment?

i will tell you a story:

of a tiny thing caught between a window and a screen. i loved it. it was fast and green. it could change. it looked at me. i lifted the window to free the screen for the being so it could go where it had been. before it got locked in between. a window and a screen.

do i need breeze or more protection. out here near the sea. i wonder we. how can we let things be. no panic. no harm.

not to forget we are all human beings.

the tiny green thing panicked. jolted, hiding, eyes on me. i moved the top of the window and the screen. tilting the wind, and tried for a while to chase out this thing. then waited. moved away. it let loose. top hold off, tumbling. onto the sill. jumping to its feet it turned to face me. head tilting. a look exchanged. what a curious thing! off it ran. i locked the window and the screen.

that was today.

once upon a time today.

_ nicole garlando tueNovfith19720pm

photo: untitled in-progress piece for a Cultural Arts Center loft exhibit, September 2020.