“Settle in. How do you feel right now?
I feel like my legs are supporting me sitting. I feel like I remember perfection from moment of creation. Those cells are in me. They are swimming. They are multiplying. I am streaming. I will die someday. Maybe at the end of this 90 minutes, or maybe when I’m 90.
Either way. I am glad to rite this. Rite.
Why this? I think I hear a whistle . I write. Back to sensation .
I stop to feel the breeze. The sky changes quickly, only a few minutes and the orange is near gone. Blue seeks. Streaks. The trees wave quiet. The birds far off do not listen. And neither the cars. They would be too loud if I let myself hear them so I hear the birds, though the cars break through, too. Go through is a different feel than break through.
I see squirrel I hear life. The right wrist hurts. It is the technology devices.
The pulling in… flyy out.
Fly out. Let each finger do what needs done. No more.there see? Quiet. The long form is come. Flow fast in through saving time savoring save. The one is heading here now from, to grave. Arrived, he’s already done knocking it in. the time is best plexus the grin is left grin.To go or not? I‘ll be here, all writing and breathing. Into dancing I learn how to go. Just be there to listen, don’t trip words you know. Ask well placed questions and seek truth. Come only if you speak truth to my soul.
I’ll ask then and witness what happens in the past. In front of me. I will send energy into the future. That which I cannot see, behind me.*
I live more breathing in back, that space, and flesh out the cells that know me longer than I know myself. I have forgotten everything . now I have remembered. All things are here.
Take time to suck lemons. My brain continues in this rhyming pattern. But I canot bear to hear it anymore. So I push through. I remember I was saying: So…
Back to sensation. I am remembering the hip flex fall the most vivid example of registrered change, or memorized kinesthetic sense accessible to my body and my movethinking mind while sitting here thinking of the image, my live-tracked body – now here as I remember my thoughtwork then. This is improvised movement with a specific thought. – fly all the way out (I’ll have to check my notes) – go through with weight (not redirect) – I am reminded now back to the lusciousness of the moving experience. “It is not down”, she says. “You are already down. Gravity.” It is weight… I ‘ll have to check my notes for the words but my body remembers the feeling here as I type.
Keep writing .
I already am.
Ah, you are thinking. But it is not time for thought. Listen. You must help. There are prayers that need sowed. There are roads. Go there.
I think of her nurse. I feel my hands on V, her breath deepens. I disappear, mostly, but the hospital bed is hard to situate myself for her. I want to crawl on top of it, but don’t. Yes. Of course. Go everywhere and help everyone. What if she were the tipping point? I hope good things for all humans. But all humans do not feel good or do good things.
Neither do you.
Right, so now what?
Feel good. Or don’t, but see what is clear. There is pain in the shadows and night’s drawing near. Send love to all beings that write life in the truth. At time all beings do come from the truth. There is one Truth, and there are many truths. The Truth knows all beings. The light is done fair.
I look up. The pink light of alleyways takes me home there.
I stop to look at the amberpink glow of the lights. I look at the clock and see it’s exactly 90 minutes later.
I start to type that and say fuck it. I watch for 3 more minutes until the warming lights of the alley glow yellow instead of pinkamber quiet. I type what you read.”
* I was introduced to a Malagacy model of time by Jess Cavendar from her on-going research into Time. This specific model shows the past as being all that is here around us, and the future as what we do not yet see, represented as flowing in through the back of the head.
I took a 7-week Improvisation class from Norah Zuniga-Shaw during coursework at The OSU focused on concepts from William Forsythe’s Improvisation Technologies, which you can sample on youtube. As I reflect on my time in the class and my time dancing and teaching outside of it. I am grateful for the time made for us to come together, to learn together, through one another and moving. I realize how quickly sometimes what I learn is implemented into what I am doing. I also notice my focus, it tends to be singular and changing – that often exploration of the new thing becomes the focus. I am reminded here that all the movements I have ever made reside in me. All the imaginings I have ever created live in me. All the things I learn I know.
What is my practice?